Nynaeve's Decision Rewritten
by neela
Summary: DISCONTINUED. What would happen if Nynaeve discovered she was pregnant the day before the Last Battle? Will she stay behind, or fight? And what are the consequences? Warning: Character deaths. Subtle spoilers for all books. AU with KoD out.
1. The Morning Nausea

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**_Disclaimers:_**_ I do not own the Wheel of Time series –I wish I did though ;o)– or the characters involved._

**_Author's Note: _**_As I'm writing on the sequel "I Will Find You", I suddenly get the urge to read through my old story, "Nynaeve's Decision." It was then I realised, that it needed some rewriting. So here I am, posting the rewritten story about Nynaeve and the rest of the gang. Hope you'll enjoy this as many did the first one! ^_^_

**_Summary: _**_What would happen if Nynaeve discovered she was pregnant the day before the Last Battle? Will she fight or stay behind?_

**_Rating: _**_G (will be PG-13 later on)_

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**NYNAEVE'S DECISION**

**CHAPTER ONE - The Morning Nausea   
**_by neela _

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Nynaeve woke up with a start and a terrible nausea. It had been like that for the past few days, and she only hoped she would not get sick before the battle. So far, none of her herbs had been working, which fuelled her anger. Poor Lan, she always seemed to lash out on him. Suddenly she felt her stomach twist, and threw herself out of bed, grabbing a cloak lying nearby she ran outside. She had only taken three or four paces when she vomited near a dry tree. She felt terrible today, just as many other mornings. _Light! This is getting out of hand. Maybe I should ask one of the Healers to check me when I go over there today. _

The morning had not yet come, but the sky was slowly fading from dark blue to light yellow, and there was no one out save herself. She cursed as she threw up again. When it felt like she had emptied herself totally, she dried her mouth with her cloak, and walked back into the tent. 

Inside, Lan lay fast asleep. He had been so tired the past week, that he had not noticed her early morning rituals. And Nynaeve had no intention of telling him. The last she needed was Lan to worry himself to death over her, and stop thinking about the future battle. She dropped the cloak on a chest standing by the tent wall and lay down in bed. The covers were already chilled on her side, and with a grin she rolled over to meet Lan's warm body. In his sleep he shuddered from the contact with cold skin and cradled her in his arms, but didn't wake, for which Nynaeve was grateful. She wasn't up for an interrogation at this time of the morning. 

For more than an hour, Nynaeve just lay there in his embrace and studied her sleeping husband, admiring his looks. The streaks of grey at his temples and the slight wrinkles in the crooks of his eyes were the only sign that he was aging, but she found it very attractive. After a while she stroked his dark, shoulder long hair and kissed him lightly on the cheek. 

"Good morning," she said as her husband beside her opened his blue eyes to meet hers, at first glazed with sleep, then clear as he recognized where he was. 

Lan smiled as he said, "I could get used to waking up like this." She flashed him a grin as they leaned towards each other in a kiss. The tent was dimly lit up from the rising sun outside, and she could barely see the outline of the man, but that was enough for her to cradle further into his strong arms, seeking comfort. 

Ever since the armies of the Dragon Reborn and the Freelanders had begun the march towards Shayol Ghul, Nynaeve found herself becoming more afraid every step her horse took. She knew all too well that in a few days time there would be a battle like she had never seen before, and the knowledge that it was quite possible that she or Lan -or both- would die, tore in her heart like knifes. _I cannot live on without Lan, :)and he said he would die if I died._

Rand had asked her to join him at the front, and despite Lan's long protests, Nynaeve had agreed out of her childhood memories of Rand, and the oath she had given to protect Rand and the others when she left the Two Rivers after that fateful night so many years earlier. Wisdom duties, she claimed it to be, but that's not even half the truth. She cared for all the Emond's Fielders, just as she cared deeply for Lan now. Rand needed her, and so did Lan, but Lan knew her duty lay with Rand. He knew about her oath, she had told him long ago, and he respected her decision, even though it ripped his heart. 

For a long time, Nynaeve just laid in Lan's arms, his gentle caresses soothing her. He knew she needed no words this time, only his presence. It was like he could sense her feelings, just like she sensed his, yet they weren't bonded. She found that odd, but didn't think much about it. In the end she forced herself out of bed, shivering as cold air met her bare skin. She dragged the nightdress over her head and dropped it to the ground before walking over to the washstand. Lan moved in the bed to watch her, his eyes following every move she took. When she gave it some thought, she no longer felt that it was embarrassing to stand naked in front of her husband anymore, and actually found the whole scene amusing. 

"What are you smiling at?" Lan asked curiously while standing up from the bed and walking over to her. Nynaeve put down the cloth she had used to wash herself and let him put his arms around her small waist, He whispered in her ear, "well?" 

"I was thinking of how much I love you." She kissed his cheek. "And how happy I am when I'm with you. But most of all that it's not embarrassing to be naked in front of you any more." It made him laugh, and Nynaeve turned in his arms and put her arms around his neck. She loved it when he laughed, because it was so rare. When they first met, he had been so stern and cold, never smiling, but now he could be soft, gentle and warm with her, smiling and laughing. 

Lan still chuckled, as she got dressed. It his turn to wash. When Nynaeve finished, she walked around the tent, collecting some clothes lying around and putting them into the saddlebags. It was something war had taught her. Always leave your bags packed before a battle, and then you won't have to worry about packing if retreat became an option. Lan was already dressed when she finished making the bed; he fastened his sword belt with the sheathed long sword and looked up at her. 

"I agreed with the Lord Dragon to eat in his tent today," he said. "He wanted to discuss strategy with me and the other generals." Lan had been asked to lead Rand's lifeguard, and since he knew it would be the closest place he could get to his wife, he had agreed. Nynaeve just nodded, she knew it hurt Lan that she would stand besides Rand and protect him together with other Aes Sedai and Asha'man while he fought the Dark One. Walking over to him, she stood on her toes and kissed him passionately on the lips. 

"Don't worry about me, Lan, I have been in worse situations than protecting someone." She smiled at him, but his eyes were sad, so she kissed him again to drive away his sadness. It did not work, though, he gave a half-heartedly smile. 

"Now, didn't you also have a meeting scheduled today, love?" She shut her eyes painfully, realisation dawning at her. Opening up, she saw her husband grinning at her. She hit him in the arm, anger fuelling her action. 

"What are you still standing there for, al'Lan Mandrogoran? Don't **you** have a meeting to go to?" The anger was evident in her voice, but Lan just bowed gracefully, as he if he were a servant. 

"Yes, milady." She went for him again, but he had disappeared out through the tent flap and her fist met empty air. She swore she could hear chuckling from outside, and strode out, eyes seeing red. He was nowhere in sight, just a servant scurrying by a few tents away. The camp was waking up. 

_That's one damned lucky man! He'll pay for this, I swear! This is his entire fault, ALL his! When I get hold of that-_

Just then, her stomach twisted again, and she buckled over by the same tree she'd used this morning. When it seemed all the contents of her stomach were gone, she wiped her mouth and went inside to retrieve her cloak. She cast a quick glance at the mirror by the washstand, seeing the paleness in her face. 

_Light! What is wrong with me?_

**TO BE CONTINUED **

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**_Author's Note: _**_So what do you think about the rewritten chapter? Share your opinion and post a REVIEW! :) _

_Chapter two will come in a week or two._


	2. Meetings

**_Disclaimers:_**_ I do not own the Wheel of Time universe, or the characters involved. The only thing I _do_ own is the plot and my imagination._

**_Author's Note: _**_Thank you so much for all the reviews! It's nice to know there are still people out there who read my story. I decided to answer a few of my reviews, so you can either read the chapter first or scroll quickly down to the bottom, it's your choice! :)_

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**NYNAEVE'S DECISION**  
  
**CHAPTER 2 - Meetings**  
_by neela_

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Five minutes later, Nynaeve found herself trudging along the hard-trampled roads between the hundreds and hundreds of tents, rage still roaring inside her. If she hadn't already been late for this meeting, she would've hunted down Lan and given his precious bottom some well-directed kicks. He won't be able to sit for a week when she was finished; she would make sure of that!  
  
Suddenly, she hit something hard and bounced three feet back and landed on her bottom on the stony ground. Nynaeve cursed loudly, and groaned as she stood up. Her bottom felt like it had been bouncing all over the world. As hand rubbed the sore place, she looked up to see what she had hit, and locked eyes with Logain Ablar. Surprise was evident in her eyes, she was sure. Of all places, why would she run into Logain in the Aes Sedai camp?  
  
"Ah, Nynaeve Sedai, what a pleasure," he said bowing slightly, unaffected by her stare. She bit back a scathing remark that had formed on her tongue. The Asha'man didn't need lashing out at, he had after all saved Rand's life many times and revealed the true self of Mazrim Taim –a man just after glory and power, Rand's power.  
  
"Good day Logain, " she replied stiffly, fingers itching to take hold of her braid and give it a tug. "I hope everything is well?" She indicated to the fact that the man was just exiting the camp of the Yellow Ajah, and as far as she knew, he didn't know any other Yellow sister than herself. The man flashed her a brilliant smile, but her foul mood refused to acknowledge it.  
  
"Yes, nothing to worry about. Just a scratch from today's training with a young Soldier. What brings you out so early in the day then, Lady Nynaeve?"  
  
She wanted to growl. It seemed many had taken a liking to call her 'Lady', but even though she could officially use the title, she didn't like it. She only allowed servants to use it, and then only when Lan was nearby. Royalty was difficult to adapt to.  
  
"A meeting, and I am already running late."  
  
"Well," he replied with a smile. "Don't let me keep you away. Good day to you!" With a slight bow, he turned and disappeared from her view.  
  
_Just as well_, she thought. _Now I can get to that dratted meeting._  
  
It took another five minutes to find her way among the tents. The Novices and Accepted she met all curtsied when she passed, only to resume their duties when she was gone. She didn't like the idea of having the young channelers with them on the march. They could get easily killed if the Enemy decided to launch an attack at the camps while the armies fought on the front. Most of them could barely hold enough of the Power to do a simple Heating.  
  
"Nynaeve! There you are!" A woman's voice sounded to her right, and she turned abruptly, spotting Leane on her way over to her. "Where have you been?" The Amyrlin just sent me after you, she's not pleased." Nynaeve groaned. This was all Lan's fault.  
  
"I was delayed, Leane," she replied, forcing her hands away from the wrist-thick, long braid falling down her front.  
  
Leane chuckled. "Lan's being insolent again?" she asked with a wink, falling into step as they made their way to the Amyrlin's tent. Wisely, Nynaeve chose not to answer as they drew nearer, but she bobbed her head as if saying yes. The Domani's grin widened.  
  
Leane and Nynaeve had gotten to know each other pretty well after she had Healed the Green more than two years previous. Despite their differences, Nynaeve had come to value Leane as a friend, and vice versa. The ex-Wisdom had taught Leane how to enter and fare in Tel'aran'riod while Leane taught her how to fare around a, uhm, man... Their friendship hadn't just been based on those things, but that was all she wanted to admit.   
  
A hand on her arm made her stop and the look at the Green's face which said that she had missed something.  
  
"Excuse me, could you repeat that?" The other woman's face broke into a large grin that stretched from ear to ear.  
  
"Light be blessed, Nynaeve, sometimes you just amaze me," Leane said. "I must say I rather like that red colour on your face, it suits you." She cursed below her breath. Well, her thoughts had been quite private memories! She turned to say something, but Leane stopped her with an upraised hand. "What I said was, we're here." She indicated to the wide, many-coloured tent in front of them.  
  
Before she knew it, Nynaeve stood inside the tent, in front of a plain table where a woman sat. The woman was dressed in a simple green, low-cut dress lined with golden bands. Her dark hair was put up in an elegant bun, with loose strands caressing her temples. A belt of braided leather rested at her hips, a dagger fastened to it. Around the woman's slender neck was a striped seven-coloured stole. One colour for each of the Ajah.  
  
"Nynaeve Sedai, I'm glad you could join us," the woman said, a smile twitching her lips. Nynaeve bit back a remark.  
  
"I'm sorry for being late, Mother, I was delayed." This time, Egwene couldn't help hiding the grin. Just as Leane, she asked the same question, but only in her eyes. Anger welled up inside her again as she nodded meekly, earning a chuckle from nearby. She tilted her head to the side, and spotted Siuan sitting on a chair by the tent wall. The Blue spoke softly, smoothing the creases on the skirt.  
  
"You haven't missed much. Actually, we decided not to start until you got here."  
  
"Well, then let's not keep it waiting any longer," Nynaeve answered through gritted teeth, and sat down on an empty three-legged stool. Leane followed suit, settling down on a chair beside Siuan. Egwene straightened up and leaned forward across the table, and thus began the meeting.  
  
For more than an hour, Nynaeve sat and listened with only half a ear as the other three Aes Sedai talked about things she didn't indulge herself too much into, like running the camp and news of the eyes and ears. They were bravely trying to include her in these meetings, hoping she would join them in their little team, but she simply wasn't interested. One thing was to face those things in the Woman's Circle back in Two Rivers as a Wisdom; another was to face it here, in the middle of the Blight, and on a higher level, as a Sister. You couldn't find much scheming in Emond's Field unless it was the Coplins heading on a warpath. Luckily, she had always had some essence of authority as a Wisdom, and they were few who'd been frightened by her, including a certain wheedling of an Amyrlin.  
  
Her stomach growled loudly, reminding her she hadn't had any breakfast yet. She looked around the tent to see if there was anything she could eat, or drink, but to no avail. There wasn't much more other than a stack of papers, a lamp and some quills and ink.  
  
Finally, after what had seemed like a lifetime to Nynaeve, but was merely an hour and a half, the others rose and Siuan and Leane went for the exit. Egwene stood behind the table, looking at a letter on the desk before tilting her head towards Nynaeve who was on her way up. Suddenly, dizziness engulfed her, nausea following. She quickly sat down.  
  
_Light, not again!_  
  
Egwene had seen the odd look on her face and the slight wavering of her body, and had rushed to her side. Now she sat besides her, steadying her as she balanced on the stool. She vaguely heard the woman's voice, but it was drowned by the emptiness filling her head. She looked towards her, but blackness crept across her eyesight. As the world swirled and darkness swallowed her, she could feel the vibration of many voices and feet running. Then, she knew no more.   


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Egwene's eyes met her as the world came back into her view, at first blurry, then clearing as her consciousness woke up.  
  
"Hello there, you gave me quite a scare."  
  
"Wha-what happened?" Nynaeve asked as she sat up, but then decided against it as dizziness threatened again. Egwene snorted.  
  
"I would think that was obvious, especially to a Healer. You fainted."  
  
"I did? How long was I out cold?" That was all she could reply for now, as she felt her body calm down. Her voice sounded almost ignorant, and Egwene noted this quite fast.  
  
"Only a few minutes. I've sent someone to fetch a Healer, though."  
  
"Nonsense, I'm fine. I don't need a Healer to look at me." The younger woman shot her a look saying well-I-think-you-do. Nynaeve ignored it as she began to stand up, ignoring the outstretched arms aiding her. "See?" she said as she stood. "There's nothing wrong with me. All that is wrong is that I haven't had a decent breakfast yet. Now will you stop bickering?" Nynaeve waved her hands, and turned to leave, only to stop and turn her head towards Egwene. "If there's nothing else, Mother, I would like to be excused." She didn't stay to see Egwene's nod, and strode out. Soon, she was on her way towards the Generals' tent.  


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Min watched as general after general came through the entrance, each and every one of them dressed for battle, except the last man, Lan. He was to lead Rand's life guard, and Min was actually glad he had agreed to that, because she saw him best fit to protect her beloved while he fought. She herself had managed last night to convince Rand of taking her with him to the front, but it had claimed much smiles, gentle touches and kisses. Lots of it, she thought with a grin.  
  
The meeting seemed to last forever, as every one of those gathered around the table came with his or her inputs on the strategies. Mostly, it was Mat who talked. His endless tales of diversions and advances and defences, threatened to send Min into a restless sleep. Though, every time Rand sent her a look, golden veins pulsating, she woke up, replying with a smile of her own. He turned his head back to the table with a secret grin.  
  
After some time, the meeting came to a break, as servants brought in food and drinks at Rand's orders. Before she knew what was happening, she found herself enveloped in a bear embrace.  
  
"Rand," she said through her gasps. "You're squeezing me." He quickly let go of her, grinning ruefully, earning him a slap at the arm.  
  
At that point, the tent opened again, and Nynaeve strode in. Min quickly saw how pale she looked, but the woman seemed to ignore it. As the ex-Wisdom approached her husband, her eyes shifted from hard to soft. Lan's back was towards her, so Min couldn't see his response, but of what she knew of the man, he was worried.  
  
"Looks a bit pale, don't you think?" Rand asked besides her. She just nodded, because at that moment, Nynaeve and Lan's hands brushed each other as the woman set off for the food tray, and a picture appeared inside Min's head.  
  
_Nynaeve was with child, Lan's child. Twins._ The viewing disappeared, leaving her speechless. From the back of her mind, she knew Rand was trying to make contact with her, and looked up at him, unfocused  
  
"Min? What's wrong?" He noticed the glazed eyes, and stared to where Nynaeve and Lan stood talking by the food trays. "Did you just have a viewing?" That drove Min out of her reverie.  
  
"Yes, I did. I- I need some time to think about it." Rand's face revealed his sudden fear.  
  
"Was it something bad about Nynaeve?" Min just shook her head and smiled vastly.  
  
"No, no. Quite the opposite, actually." She paused, glancing over his shoulder. "Uhm, Rand. I think they're ready to resume the meeting again." She nodded towards the table where the generals had taken up where they left. He smiled and with a chaste kiss, he went back. From the corner of her eye, Min could see Lan and Nynaeve separate too. She sighed. Well, she needed to make a decision. Should she tell Nynaeve now, or wait?  


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Nynaeve's eyes followed Lan's broad-shouldered figure as he took his place beside Lord Bashere, his face already concentrated as they all listened to Mat's input on a strategy he'd worked out. He'd noticed her paleness, and had of course worried, but she dismissed all his arguments about seeing a Healer after he learned she'd fainted. News travelled fast around the camp it seemed. One of the servants carrying food trays had spilled the beans. Well, it was nothing she couldn't handle.  
  
Turning, she moved to where Min sat by a little round table, seemingly deep in thought. The plate in her hands was already half-empty of food, yet she still felt as if she could eat another two. At last, her stomach had calmed down, and wanted very much to be filled with all that had been emptied. Quietly, she sat down, her thoughts already wandering off.  
  
Neither she nor Min talked for what seemed like ages. Nynaeve was beginning to get slightly irritated and restless. Couldn't this meeting end soon? How long did they really need to discuss strategies? Isn't it just the same kick-and-run-thing? Are they so brain-dead they need assistance to make a decision? She silently chided her thoughts. _Don't meddle in things you know nothing about, Nynaeve. It can only cause disaster._  
  
Suddenly, she felt a hand on her arm, and bobbed her head in the direction of the owner. Min looked at her like if she did not know whether she should speak or not. Nynaeve arched an eyebrow. The woman bit her lip as she opened her mouth.  
  
"Nynaeve, you're with child."  
  
**TO BE CONTINUED**

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**_Author's Note: _**_Well, another chapter is finished, so please tell me what did you think? The next chapter will come in one or two-and-a-half weeks._

_Response to reviews:_

::An answer about Lan's survival/death ---- You will all just have to wait and see. Remember, I'm writing a sequel too… 

**::Twilight Dragoon Fighter ---- **Thank you :)

**::blackcats of the moon ---- **Yes, I will rewrite all the other chapters too 

**::Trickster's-Lulaby ---- '**blushes' Thank you :)

**::Spacing Out ---- **I hope this story will live up to your expectations! smile

**::anmar ---- **oh, I'm flattered… 

Well, I say it again... Please REVIEW, and you'll make one happy author! 


	3. The Viewing

_**Disclaimers:** Same as before, just check the former chapters._

_**Author's Note:** I'm so sorry this took so long, but I've been very busy with perparation for my finals and oral exam, and then I got to work to earn money for my holiday trip to France. So as you can see, it left little time for writing. But I'm here now with the newest, and I promise to hurry up with the next one! _

_By the way, people has been asking about the sequel, and I can say that it will come soon, unless you want me to finish this story first...?_

**_Summary: _**_What would happen if Nynaeve discovered she was pregnant the day before the Last Battle? Will she fight or stay behind?_

_**Rating: **PG (will be PG-13 later on)_

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**NYNAEVE'S DECISION**

**Chapter Three - The Viewing  
**_by neela_

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Min watched as the other woman's face went from light pink to white in just a matter of seconds. A shocked expression mirrored her own at seeing the woman beside her let down her walls, showing the vulnerability there. One of Nynaeve's hands reached down to her abdomen, eyes staring at the flat stomach, then she looked up at Min again, the awaited question in her eyes.  
  
"Yes, I am sure, Nynaeve. Very sure. I had a viewing," she added as an afterthought. The woman let out a sharp breath. Min bit her lip Nynaeve had a right to know she was expecting twins, but should she really tell her that now? A fleeting sensation of curiosity made her send a glare towards Rand, who didn't turn his head back as quickly as he used to do. Nynaeve's croaking whisper broke through her thoughts, and she turned back, heart tearing as she saw the woman's despair.  
  
"Wha-" She coughed. "What did you see?" The voice was almost non-audible, and Min had to concentrate hard to hear what she said. She gave the older woman a reassuring smile before replying.  
  
"When you and Lan parted, a golden light started flashing around your heads, and from the depth I saw seven dark silhouettes rise up, along with two hawks. It seemed very important, because I have never had one like that before. It was like I knew exactly what to expect even before the viewing disappeared." She saw the woman's discomfort, and added in a whisper, "You're going to be a mother, Nynaeve." With that last sentence, Nynaeve swayed in her chair, shaking her head in disbelief as she muttered something Min heard as " Oh no, no, no..."  
  
Not knowing what to say next, Min took the other woman's hand, and gestured for them to go outside. Her heart broke when she saw Nynaeve look towards the generals, despair in her eyes. Lan still didn't see her, listening to Bashere's speech about his cavalry. Then the Yellow got up, her shoulders sagging and staring down at the ground. Min led her out of the tent, but feeling Rand's stare, which bore a hole in her neck, turned and just gave him a look that said 'Not a word, Rand al'Thor'. This time he did bob his head.  
  
Exiting into the warm, humid air, the two women went to stand behind a big rock at the north side of the tent, where they couldn't be seen. An uncomfortable silence fell over them, and Min shifted her feet nervously while Nynaeve sat down, hands covering her face. Min took to staring at a bird flying over their heads. It was one of those Seanchan creatures, used as messengers between the scouts and leaders. It was quite a system actually, that whole scouting-messenger-leader thing.  
  
First, of course, the scouts searched for signs of enemy movement, and if they discovered something or not, they reported through either Gateways (if a channeler was with them) or the flying creatures. Then the keeper of the birds sent the reports with a rider and to the generals, who then studied the messages and decided what to do. Knowing what the enemy do at all times are vital in a time of war. It could very well be what would make victory theirs.  
  
Her eyes fell down on Nynaeve again. She felt sorry for her. Expecting a child was no doubt a blessing, but at this time... Well, Rand had already explained where his old friend would be standing when battle came. The final piece of the puzzle, he called her. She was the strongest of the female channelers, as she had developed her strength in saidar, and when linked to Rand, the Dark One would stand no chance. That was what Rand believed of course. To be honest, Min didn't know any more. The pregnancy would either lower Nynaeve's strength, or make it stronger. In Elayne's case several years ago, the Power had decreased for the remainder of the pregnancy. She could channel, but not anything that needed a lot of strength. It had been strange to see the Queen of Andor like that, but in the end it paid off. The two beautiful children and heirs certainly livened up life a bit. She smiled.  
  
Hearing hooves coming nearer in a very hastened speed, Min broke out of her thoughts, and suddenly discovered that Nynaeve wasn't there anymore. Turning her head around and fearing the worst, she spotted the woman standing on the road, hands at her stomach while looking towards Rand's tent. To her horror she saw that the rider was closing in from behind Nynaeve, and the woman still didn't hear or see him, despite the shouts the man made.  
  
"Nynaeve!" Min yelled as she jumped forward and grabbed the woman by the sleeves of her dress, dragging her out of harm's way. It was right on time, as the rider kept his quick speed towards his goal. The blue band around his arm recognized him as a messenger. But that didn't stop Min from stepping back onto the trampled-down road and shouting, "Watch where you're going, wool-head!" The man didn't even acknowledge her.  
  
She turned around to check how Nynaeve was doing, and was surprised to see the woman covering her face with her hands sobbing and shaking. A lump formed in her throat as she looked at the woman she had known to be so strong and fiery, now crying her soul out because she was with child. She sat down and embraced her, rocking the small body back and forth, trying to calm her down.  
  
"Sssh, sssh.... It's okay. It's going to be alright." She paused, thinking through what to say next.  
  
_Better not talk about the Battle first,_ Min thought.   
  
"Besides, it can't be all that bad?" she said out loud. "Just ask Elayne, she had two babes. She told me how wonderful it was when she held their little bodies in her arms. Rand was happy too, Nynaeve. I had never seen him so happy before. He actually softened when the babes cried and wanted to hold them in his arms too."  
  
Min remembered the time when he'd actually gotten his son to sleep, and had said, "_I never thought a child could do so much with a man's heart."_ It had done much with her heart too, just being there when Elayne gave birth had been a painful, yet precious memory to her.  
  
"Do you fear that Lan won't be happy?" she asked quietly.  
  
"You don't understand," Nynaeve cried low from Min's chest. "It's not that; I think he'll be overjoyed, knowing his blood will live on, but." She sniffed hard and looked up at Min. Her eyes were red from crying and tears still fell down her cheeks. "But why now? The Last Battle is almost here, and I'm going to stand where the most blood will be spilled, and Lan also, and... What if I die, Min? Then there will never be a Malkier again, for Lan will die with me. I cannot stand the thought of him loosing his kingdom totally, and his bloodline being broken. I cannot!" Nynaeve started crying again, and Min did nothing else but to embrace her, her own feelings in turmoil.

_Now's not the time for that, Min, you have to find a way to calm down Nynaeve. Make her think about something else._  
  
"What do you say we pay Elayne a little visit? Maybe drink some of that liquid we both know that Warder of hers keeps close." Even through the sobbing, Min could still feel a small smile play across the other woman's face. Brigitte's drink was famous, and they'd even tried it a few times, always with embarrassing results. She gave a little laugh as she remembered Nynaeve trying to seduce her husband in front of everyone, which ended when he picked her up and carried her away, muttering something about 'needing to sleep it off'.  
  
"You're remembering that incident, aren't you?" came Nynaeve's little voice, filled with humour. Min couldn't do anything but laugh aloud.  
  
"I never thought you'd ever come out of those rooms and look us straight in the face!" Both women laughed, and Min sighed happily. "Shall we go?" she asked as Nynaeve lifted her face, wiping off the last tears and adjusting her clothes. Locking eyes, the woman nodded, a smile twitching her lips.  
  
"Thank you, Min. I guess I needed it." They both stood up.  
  
"No problem. I'm always glad to help. Though I'm sorry I scared the Lights out of you."  
  
"You did, but it's over now. I feel slightly better." Nynaeve smiled. "Well, shall we?" She gestured to the road, and Min grinned as they began walking in the direction of the Queen of Andor's tent. The sun stood high above the sky, the air didn't feel so hot and clammy anymore, and all in all it looked like everything was going to be all right. Min felt something new radiate from the Yellow, maybe it was happiness, but she didn't know. Now that she'd had some time to think things through, perhaps she'd come to a conclusion about her feelings. At least, Min hoped so.  
  
Life was already running at full speed in the encampment. Servants were scurrying back and forth; soldiers sat shining their armours or played games, laughing and enjoying themselves; people of all the world's nations spent the time they had left with each other, as no one knew how long it was until the Last Battle began.  
  
After a while, they came to a halt as they approached Elayne's tent. Two Andoran soldiers flanked the opening, quietly chatting between themselves. The tent was coloured in dark red, with white patterns at the sides. Min vaguely saw what she thought was a lion. Coming closer, her suspicions were confirmed. It was a beautiful creation. The lines of white had a sliver of silver in it, shining as the sun reflected in it. It almost looked alive, like the Dragon Banner.  
  
Suddenly, two Novices ran past them, one of them accidentally bumping into Nynaeve, sending both at the ground sprawling. Nynaeve was fuming and waved away the helping hand Min reached out before getting on her feet by herself. The Novice had already gotten on her feet, frantically trying to brush off the dust on the Yellow's dress, while apologizing over and over again.  
  
"You insolent girl!" Nynaeve spoke loudly, waving away the Novice's hands. "Running like that, not watching where you put your own feet -only a three-year-old do things like that!" Sensing rage building up, Min tried to calm Nynaeve down, but to no avail. The other woman was already well into her tirade, at the time saying something about if they'd been in Two Rivers and she'd been the Wisdom, she would've boxed the girl's ears.  
  
Then, if lightening had suddenly struck down, Nynaeve stopped. She went completely silent, only holding her braid in that well-known grip. The Novice stared at the ground, just waiting for whatever it was, to come. Her companion had disappeared, it seemed.  
  
"Get going," Nynaeve spoke in a strained voice. The girl stared wide-eyed at her, and Min just smiled lop-sided. Lan certainly had had **some** influence on his wife. "What part did you not understand, girl? I said 'get going'." The girl ran off, shocked that she didn't even get a punishment. Min stared after her until she disappeared behind a tent, then turned to Nynaeve.  
  
"You've certainly changed a bit, Nynaeve." The other woman just smiled.  
  
"Shall we go in?" She gestured towards the tent, and Min noted her whole being seemed calmed now. She nodded and one of the soldiers greeted them with a smile as they entered the dimly lit tent.

==  
  
**TO BE CONTINUED**

**==**

_**Author's Note:** So what did you think? Good, bad, or terrible? Place a review and earn yourself a chocolate penny! grin By the way, if you're interested in knowing when I update, or just want to have a discussion, share reciepes and stories of your home country, etc -join at my group at yahoo.com! (see web address at my author's page). We hope to still increase our numbers! :)_


	4. Discussions, Dreams and Interpretations

_**Disclaimers:** WoT = Robert Jordan's.....Plot = mine, and mine only_

_**Author's Note:** Well, in this round I'll upload two loooooong chapters, and that's all you get until I get back from France (and my beta from her holiday). I'd like to thank all my reviewers for their encouragements! You're wonderful! If you ever get yourself a homepage, let me know, and I'll send you a secret prize that you can show to everyone you'd like! :)_

_I also want to give BIG HUGSES AND THANKS TO MY WONDERFUL BETA -STARLIGHT! (you know who you are... wink)_

_**Summary: **What would happen if Nynaeve discovered she was pregnant the day before the Last Battle? Will she fight or stay behind?_

_**Rating: **PG (will be PG-13 later on)_

**===================**

**NYNAEVE'S DECISION**

**CHAPTER 4 - Discussions, Dreams and Interpretations_by neela_**

**=================== **

"See you later, Rand," Mat nodded on his way past him and the last of the generals, the broad-brimmed hat well placed on his head. He wondered exactly how long his friend had been using that.

"Remember that Tuon is invited too," he called after him. Mat flashed him the typical twinkled grin of his and he couldn't help but smile in return. If anyone had come to him two years ago and said Mat was going marry someday and settle down, he would have laughed. But here he was, engaged, and with a princess none the less! He shook his head merrily as his friend disappeared out of the tent. Doing the formal greeting to Bashere before the Saldaean left, he then turned and sat down in his chair.

Picking up a cup of spiced wine from the table beside him, Rand spotted Lan in the back of the tent, apparently deep in thought. His eyebrows were twitching, his eyes staring harshly at the ground, as if he dared a Trolloc to jump up from a hole. Rand was wondering what was bothering him, though he did have some idea; his mentor had been quiet through half of the meeting after Nynaeve arrived, and then later left together with Min. And that was a mystery he'd like to clear up as well. Why didn't Min want him to know what was going on? Did it have something to do with the viewing? He had so many questions, but experiences with women had taught him to wait until they told him what it was all about.

"My Lord?" The sudden voice broke him out of his thoughts. He turned his head towards the source, and was surprised to see Lan standing just a few paces away from him, staring at him. He quickly regained his composure.

"How many times have I told you, Lan?" he asked with a smile. "There's no need for that title in private. I'd have thought that when Nynaeve learned that, you would too." He didn't try to hide the teasing in his voice. Somehow, things had just changed between him and Lan, for the better. They often talked and teased each other, though they seldom let out their amusement. It was like a game, a challenge. Who would contain the laughter the longest?

This time, however, Rand noticed it was not a game. Lan didn't even blink. It had to be serious. He straightened in the chair and gestured for the Warder to sit down in the one opposite of him. It took a moment, but eventually the older man sat down.

"What's on your mind?" he asked and looked Lan straight in the eye. The Warder was silent for a second, then he spoke.

"I wanted to discuss the possibility of Nynaeve being placed somewhere else on the battlefield." Rand didn't know what to say. Although he'd had a hunch, he didn't exactly believe Lan would have voiced it. And something else nagged his mind. Nynaeve's and Lan's relationship had always seemed a little strange to him. Sometimes it was Nynaeve bossing around, and sometimes the other way around, and now... A warning bell chimed in his head. There was something in Lan's voice that resembled foreboding. Was he doing something he wasn't supposed to do?

=======

"This is called Caressing the Child," Elayne explained, while weaving something that reminded Nynaeve too much of Delving. "It is to check on the child or children's health and sex."

"I'm having more than one?!" She exclaimed with wide eyes, causing a lot of amusement from the other women. Brigitte and Aviendha had been there when she and Min arrived, and Egwene had showed up later. She suspected someone had called for her. Right now they were seated among the big, comfy pillows along one of the walls. Several lamps hung from the tent poles, lightening up the dark space. At the other side of the tent was Elayne's desk, along with three stools.

Elayne grinned. "That's what we're going to find out. Now just calm down."

"Are you certain you know what you're doing?" Nynaeve asked nervously. This was something totally new to her, and it frightened her a bit not knowing the outcome.

"Nynaeve, stay still and breathe for Light's sake!" Elayne chided the older woman. The others laughed out loud and Nynaeve crossed her arms in a defiant glare. "A Wise One did this on me when I was expecting Rand's children. Trust me, I know what I'm doing." With that, she went back to her task.

Nynaeve felt like chaos of emotions had torn her apart inside, but now, they seemed to have settled. Talking with the other women, especially with Elayne, about being pregnant had made her realise something. She shouldn't be sad because of this, she should be happy for the new life inside her. And she was. Lan's babe was growing inside her! It was nothing more she wanted than see his blood live on and his kingdom restored. She became lost in thought, as the memories of something Egwene had told her earlier came back.

**----FLASHBACK----**

_"What is it, Egwene?" Nynaeve looked at the dark-haired woman with a seven-striped stole around her shoulders, seated on comfy pillows right beside her. She had responded differently to the news of her pregnancy than the other women. The others had at first been happy, then sad, and then comforting, but the Two Rivers woman had sat still and lost in thoughts all the time. _

_"Your news has brought some answers to a dream I had last night," Egwene replied quietly and rose up; everyone's eyes were on her now. Nynaeve sent her friend a confused look. "I dreamt about you, Nynaeve. Lan too, although I never saw him, I knew he was a part of it." _

_She just stared at her. What was she talking about? Was there something wrong? Had she had a prophetic dream? "Well, spit it out, girl…Oh, sorry…Mother," she added with a strangled growl when she saw other woman's automatically raised eyebrows. _

_"You are my friend, Nynaeve, you don't need to call me Mother when we're not in public." Egwene's voice revealed her amusement. Nynaeve just glared at her. _

_"Well, my dream," she continued. "There were actually two, but I know they are related. In one, you were out in the desert, and in the distant you could see the shadows of something large -several, in fact. You held something in your arms and as you came closer to the dark shadows, I saw it was a couple of bundles. For every step you took, they began to move more and more. The dream ended there, with you walking closer to the silhouettes, but just before everything went black, I saw someone or something was following you. I don't know what it was. Somehow I got the feeling it wasn't something good, and that it wanted to stop you before you reached your goal." She paused, looking around to see if anyone understood the meaning of it. None answered her unasked question, not even Nynaeve, who suddenly realised she understood a bit of the dream, as it reminded her of Min's viewing._

}}}} **A golden light started flashing around your heads, and from the depth I saw seven dark silhouettes rise up, along with two hawks.{{{{**

_She knew what the golden light meant; she was with child. And the dark silhouettes…it could not mean anything else than the Seven Towers of Malkier. They would rise again now that she was expecting. _

_Egwene's dream had not been so much different; the bundles could be compared to the hawks, and the shadows… they could be the Seven Towers, but she didn't know. And the thing that wanted to stop her…was it the Last Battle? She felt worry fill the pit of her stomach as her thoughts brought her elsewhere, and she unconsciously stroked her belly, not aware of the smiles it attracted from the other women. _

_"Nynaeve?" She jerked her head to the owner of the voice; it was Elayne. _

_"Oh, I'm sorry, I was just thinking," Nynaeve muttered below her breath, frowning. Coughs made her lift her head, and she shook it slightly. "Well? What was the other dream?" She stared at Egwene. _

_Egwene sent her a bright smile that made her glare. Could they ever stop being so secretive? She reached for her braid and tugged it. The pain shooting from her scalp made her worry diminish to the back of her mind. _

_"The other dream, yes…well, it was very much like the other. You walked towards the shadows, bundles in hand, with the follower close behind. But this time your stalker caught up with you, and you were swallowed by shadows, disappearing from the dream. Then the silhouettes suddenly burst into a thousand pieces, and at that time I knew they would never raise again." She stopped, and Nynaeve felt the world fall apart around her. _

_She understood everything so perfectly now. It was so clear. The stalker couldn't be anything but the Last Battle. It was a crossroad. She would have to make a choice. And the outcome...either Malkier would rise, or it would not. _

_Nynaeve did not push her away as she felt Elayne's arm comforting her. She didn't realise that tears were silently falling down her cheeks. _

'If I die in the Last Battle, Malkier will never rise again; Lan will not survive my death for long, and he will never marry again. Then the royal bloodline will be broken, and the kingdom of Malkier will forever be a myth, for none else will have the right to build up the Seven Towers again.'

_Her tears fell down in long streams, but not a sob escaped her lunges. Suddenly all this responsibility lay on her shoulders, and she didn't know if she had the strength to carry that burden. _

**----END FLASHBACK----**

"You okay, Nynaeve?" Egwene's voice broke through her thoughts. She looked up bewildered, a little caught off guard. All eyes were trained on her.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine," she replied quickly, regaining her composure. "Nothing to worry about." She knew they didn't quite believe her, but she didn't care. Something was telling her that there were things going on elsewhere. Unnoticed by her, one of the women slipped out of the tent.

=======

"We have already talked about this, Lan," Rand said, "and we came to a solution, why resume the discussion?" Lan's face went emotionless, and turned his head away.

"She hasn't been feeling well the last couple of days." The Commander looked back, eyes more hardened. "And she has kept it secret for me." Deciding to tread carefully, not wanting to get involved in their personal life, Rand shifted nervously and set the cup back on the table.

"Well, I don't know exactly what you want me to do. It was Nynaeve who came up with the idea, and she insisted -you know what she's like then, it's hard to say no- to stay beside me. And let us not forget that the prophecies clued that a male and female channeler would together defeat the Dark One."

"Yes, I know," Lan cut in. "But why Nynaeve? Isn't there someone just as strong as her in the Aes Sedai camp? What was her name..." He thought for a second. "Yes, the Seanchan woman. Alivia. Wouldn't she be a much better choice?" Rand became lost in thought. Alivia had been one of those protecting him and Nynaeve when they cleansed _saidin. _Apparently, she was more than 400 years old! He shook his head in amazement.

"I would say, it's a very good suggestion, but we should discuss this with Nynaeve also. I can't just order her around." Lan gave him a look that clearly said 'aren't-you-the-Dragon-Reborn'? "Well, I can, but-"

At that moment, Min came through the tent flap, drawing both men's attention. She stopped just inside the entry, surveying them both. Rand saw the golden veins pulsate as they locked eyes, and he smiled. But Min didn't return it. Instead, she put on a serious face. _Oh-oh, why do I sense something serious coming up again?_

"Min?" he asked, but she came in advance and spoke softly. "I couldn't help but overhearing what you were talking about, and I must ask that you reconsider ordering Nynaeve around." This surprised Rand, and Lan too by the look of him. He'd found back-up in the most unexpected person. Rand opened his mouth to speak, but Lan spoke before him.

"What do you know?" He rose from his chair, and Min unconsciously took a step back. The Warder was a very big man, very fascinating, and very intimidating. "I'm sorry," he said softly, knowing he'd frightened her a second, and Min visibly relaxed.

"I can't say, you should rather hear it from her." Her voice left a feeling of curiousness inside Rand. He was tempted to stand up also, but resisted, and instead leaned back and watched the scene in front of him unfold. Lan looked grim for a moment, then he looked up at Min with a question in his eyes. "She's in Elayne's tent." He nodded, and then turned to Rand.

"Perhaps we can continue our discussion at a later time." And with that, before Rand was able to respond, he'd bowed formally and disappeared from his view. If there was one thing Rand still wanted to get the hang of, it was Lan's ability to disappear before you had the chance to blink. He looked over at Min.

"Later, Rand. I'm not in the mood for chit-chat now."

=======

"Well, are you prepared for what I discovered?" Elayne asked her. Nynaeve felt like a thousand butterflies were trying to break through her stomach. Nervously, she nodded, deciding to sit down on one of the pillows. Elayne followed her lead and sat down beside her on a bright red one, lined with golden bands.

_Please let everything be alright! _she prayed silently.

"They're both fine, Nynaeve," the Queen of Andor grinned, and she felt her fear disappear and leave only relief. She sighed loudly and her whole body relaxed, eyes closing, only to open again in a rush.

"**They're**?! I'm actually having more than one?!" The other women laughed, Brigitte a little louder, drawing forward a bottle of which Nynaeve suspected was that dratted liquid. Elayne smiled comfortingly and patted her knee.

"It's twins, and though it's not possible to see the sex yet, I can say that they're about seven weeks old and healthy."

"Seven…seven weeks?" she asked in surprise. Elayne nodded excitedly, still grinning.

"I'm having twins. I'm actually having twins. There's two of Lan's babes inside of me,"she rambled on quietly, stunned at the news, causing much amusement. _They're __seven weeks and I didn't realise?! Light! Getting sick, yeah, that's a good one, Nynaeve!_ She mentally slapped her head, then grinned at the others in the tent –who grinned back– and threw herself into Elayne's waiting arms. This was great!

The next moments were filled with tears of happiness, hugs and congratulations. Nynaeve felt absolutely wonderful now that the shock had settled. Although she knew at the back of her mind that the Last Battle was anytime now, she forced herself to forget it, and enjoy the present.

=======

Outside the tent, a broad-shouldered man arrived, nodding to the guards outside. But, as voices from within reached him, he hesitated, and in stead remained by the entrance, listening. It was wrong of him to do so, but there was something nagging his mind. Something unknown.

The guards flanking the entrance just ignored him, even though they cast curious glances at each other behind the man's back.

=======

Breaking out of Egwene's embrace, and receiving a cup from Brigitte, Nynaeve looked at them all, grinning like a tavern girl, but she didn't care. Everyone had a cup in hand, and surprisingly, Aviendha took the initiative.

"Here's to the new mother!" They lifted their cups and chorused "the new mother". Nynaeve sipped the contents of the cup, and spit it out.

"Milk?!" she exclaimed. Brigitte grinned.

"No _oosquai_ to an expecting mother, el'Nynaeve Mandrogoran. It's not good for the babes. Milk is more nutrient than water, so milk it is."

"How in the Blight did you get that, Brigitte? Don't tell me you walk around with it in your pocket?" asked Elayne, only receiving a twinkled glance in Aviendha's direction. The woman in question herself only shrugged.

"I had a servant fetch it." The Aiel smiled and looked over at Nynaeve, but then her stare went blank as she spotted something behind her. So did Egwene and Brigitte, who sat opposite of her and Elayne.

Confused and curious, she turned around, expecting to see an Aes Sedai or a Wise One, or maybe an Asha'man –none else would turn their happy faces to blank stares– and jumped on her feet in surprise. A pair of cold, ice blue eyes were staring straight at her, and she felt suddenly growing smaller from that expressionless, yet piercing stare.

al'Lan Mandrogoran was a handsome as ever, but the way he stood –towering, still, and silent, with that cold, emotionless look– made Nynaeve believe it was no longer her husband, but that stranger that had waltzed into Emond's Field several years ago, together with a woman who could channel. It frightened her, and she didn't realise she had taken a step back before her thigh hit the sharp edge of Elayne's desk.

_Light, he have to know already..._

For some reason, she was suddenly terrified.

**==**

**TO BE CONTINUED**

**==**

_**Author's Note: So what did you think? Be free to post a REVIEW!! **_


	5. Emotions

_**Disclaimers:** Same as always, if you need to be reminded, see earlier chapters. _

_**Author's Note:** Here's number two of two chapters. Enjoy! :) And remember to REVIEW!_

_**Summary: **What would happen if Nynaeve discovered she was pregnant the day before the Last Battle? Will she fight or stay behind?_

_**Rating: **PG (will be PG-13 later on)_

===================

**NYNAEVE'S DECISION  
  
CHAPTER FIVE -Emotions**  
_by neela_  
  
===================  
  
"Why didn't you say you weren't feeling well?" Lan's voice was just as expressionless as the rest of him.  
  
Nynaeve let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding, heart thumping quickly, and her eyes found the floor. It was covered in carpets with many elegant patterns, and she found herself studying one of them; she didn't dare to look at Lan, she would just begin to cry. Time seemed to stand still.  
  
**Light!** said that little voice in the back of her head. **Get a grip on yourself, Nynaeve! He's your husband! The love of your life! How can you not look at him and answer his question?**  
  
_I- I don't know_, she answered nervously.  
  
**You know perfectly why,** the voice said firmly. **You just don't want to admit it, you think it will make you weak and vulnerable.**  
  
_No._  
  
**Yes you do, admit it! It will not be the end of the world if you admit it!**  
  
Nynaeve could hear other voices talking in the tent, but they were so far away, it sounded just like a muffled whisper. Her eyes were still trained on the patterns, no, they were **drowning** in them. All she saw was the shapes and curves in different colours melt together with the background, slowly blurring her eyesight while going around in circles like a hurricane. She felt dizzy and her hand automatically reached up to her head. Her breath was coming in quick intakes. The world seemed to go upside down, and as blackness surrounded her, she heard herself say:  
  
"I'm just so scared." And then she passed out.  
  
======

When Nynaeve awoke, the morning seemed to have reached afternoon, judging by the streams of light that flowed through the tent flap. She groaned lightly and stretched her limbs as she sat up slowly in bed. Then she froze. Why was she in bed? In her **own** bed, by the way. The last she remembered what that she had gone to the Generals meeting with Lan and met Min, and then  
  
Her eyes grew wide as realisation came to her. A flood of memories flashed through her mind in slow-motion: Min's viewing telling her she was expecting and that it would make the renewing of Malkier possible; Min embracing her as she cried out in sadness but also happiness; Egwene telling about her dreams, indicating that if something happened to her, Malkier would be lost forever; Elayne weaving flows of something she had called Caressing the Child, and finding out she was pregnant with twins, who was both healthy and at least seven weeks old; Lan appearing in the tent entrance, his face and eyes expressionless, staring at her; the hurricane of colours before everything went black; her own voice saying out loud she was scared. The memory of her husband replayed in her head, along with her own voice saying 'I'm just so scared', and she soon found herself crying.  
  
Light, she was scared of Lan! Lan, her own husband! Lan, the man who had taken her heart, who loved her back and couldn't live without her! How could she be scared of him?  
  
_And saying it out loud for all the world to hear! _Nynaeve wanted to die out of embarrassment and guilt. She buried her face in her hands._ How **could** I be scared of him?! And why do I feel I still am?!_  
  
The sobs she had managed to keep inside while in Elayne's tent, finally escaped. Salty tears rolled down her cheeks in streams, and she shut her eyes tightly to make them stop, but it was a wasted try. She threw her arms around her body, holding almost painfully as the sobs tore at her.  
  
If anyone heard her outside, she didn't care. All she wanted was to cry until she had no tears left, even if it could mean to cry her soul out. And she wanted Lan to hold her. She wanted his arms to embrace her tightly; his hands to caress her hair and rubbing her back to soothe her; his lips to place gentle kisses at the top of her head; his soft voice murmuring how much her loved her.  
  
But he wasn't there she was alone in the dimly-lit-up tent and that fact made her only cry harder, and louder. Nynaeve threw herself face-down in the bed, her feet tangling themselves into the bed covers, but she didn't bother to remove them.  
  
Time seemed to pass painfully slow. Apart from her own sobs, there was an utter silence both inside and outside the tent. dinner-time was fast approaching and all of the camps would soon eat around the fires, which many of them -too many to Nynaeve's opinion- were placed just paces away from hers and Lan's tent.  
  
_**Our** tent,_ she thought sadly and broke into another series of sniffing and crying. Their tent and Lan wasn't even there. _He's angry at me... Angry because I didn't tell him about the morning sickness and the fainting. He must have known it all along that I wasn't feeling well. _The bed cover beneath her was soaked with tears, but she didn't move to a drier spot. She had discovered she was lying on Lan's side of the bed, and it was like she wanted to show her husband it was his fault she was crying. That he had done this to her.  
  
Nynaeve wanted to curse him, but at the same time she wanted everything to be like they were before Min had told of her viewing. Then she could have figured out she was with child herself and told Lan, and escape all this mess. But she knew she couldn't turn back time, and in the end, her only wish was for her husband to hold her in his safe embrace.  
  
"Oh, Lan," she moaned down in the bed. "Why cant you just be here and hold me? I need you..." Her cries continued as there was no reply, no movement. She buried herself deeper into the bed covers.  
  
Then suddenly she was caught off guard as two strong arms pulled her up from the wet covers and into a tight embrace. She didn't resist; she knew who it was the second she caught the persons scent. Instead Nynaeve cradled herself in the protective arms of the person, her head resting on one shoulder, hands clutching the opposite arms as she continued to cry.  
  
"I'm- I'm so scared, L- Lan." Her voice was weak from sobbing and her body began to tremble heavily. Her husband held her more tightly, his hands beginning to rub her back in comfort.  
  
"Sh..." Lan hushed softly, intending to soothe her. There was no trace in his voice or appearance that he was still angry, but Nynaeve felt tears escape her eyes none the less. She sniffed deeply before speaking again, her voice still trembling but gaining strength.  
  
"I'm s- so afraid of l- losing them, or -or y- you. I- I love you so m- much. I cant live without you." He kissed the top of her head. Suddenly it felt like Lan was shaking, but Nynaeve thought it was just her own imagination. Her husband **never** let emotion overcome him **that** much, even though his stone heart had slowly gone softer.  
  
"I," Lan coughed, "I love you too, my heart." And as he spoke those words, Nynaeve realised he actually **was** shaking!  
  
Her sobs suddenly turned into short hiccups, she pulled back to look at Lan's face, and was amazed and shocked at what she saw.  
  
Lan was staring at the tent wall, obviously not noticing she was looking at him, his ice blue eyes clouded as the result of all the emotion flowing through him, and down his nose she traced the path to one, single tear.  
  
She moved in his arms, drawing his attention, and he looked down at her, warmth and love in his eyes, no trace of anger. She reached out a finger to wipe away his tear, but he caught it in mid-air and pulled it softly down, kissing it gently.  
  
"Please don't." His voice was steady again, Nynaeve noted surprisingly. "Sometimes a man has to let down the defensive walls around his heart and for once be a real man. I must be allowed to feel these tears on my face, as I have never experienced it before." She looked disbelieving at him.  
  
"I have never cried before in my life, Nynaeve, never. I grew up among soldiers and became one of the hardest, and coldest." Another tear ran down his nose, and she held back the urge to wipe that away too. His eyes locked with hers, and she drowned in the ice blue pools of warmth, passion and sadness. She gulped down a gasp, and reached out to stroke his hair in an attempt to stop her from start crying again because of her own sadness.  
  
"You know how I am, my heart. You saw how I was before my love for you grew stronger, and I let worry and all other warm emotions I knew nothing about into my life. I have been cold and hard as long as I can remember, and I know I am still, even though you make me smile and laugh more often. I have been a blind fool to not let those feelings earlier into my life, and now I see it more difficult to do so than if I had been younger." He paused, watching her reaction. She said nothing, she was too shocked. Lan had just revealed things he would never had done before, and what she wanted most was to kiss him, but she knew he wasn't finished, and therefore she waited. Her husband understood, and sent her a warm smile. Nynaeve smiled back, her hand gliding down to his neck and resting there, ready to pull him into a kiss the instant he was finished.  
  
"I am sorry to have caused you fear and tears today, my heart. Do not protest, I know it was I and the way I confronted you in Elayne's tent that is the reason why you have been crying. I am sorry not to have been here the moment you woke up, but I needed to sort out my own feelings."  
  
"And have you?" Nynaeve asked, her voice shaking a bit.  
  
The love of her life looked long at her, then nodded with a small smile.  
  
"My feelings got the better of me, and climbed over the walls around my heart, and I know that they wont stay outside them for long, so therefore I need to do this now."  
  
Nynaeve was about to ask what he needed to do, but she closed her mouth, only to open it slightly, as her beloved husband began to cry. Not sobbing, just tears rolling down his face in thick streams from his watery eyes. She sat up straight, and drew her arms around his neck, determined to comfort Lan as he had done so many times to her. He answered by hugging her back, his body trembling but no sound escaped his mouth except his heavy breathing.  
  
"I am scared too, Nynaeve," Lan murmured into her hair. She felt her own tears start falling. "Terrified. I cannot loose you, or the babes; I will die without you. My love for you is greater than my will to live."  
  
"Oh, Lan!" she cried and buried herself deeper into his neck, unable to say anything else.  
  
Darkness crept over them as the afternoon sky slowly faded into a darkening twilight.  
  
======  
  
"Lan?" Nynaeve asked quietly. Their tears had stopped, and now they just laid still in each others arms, comforting. Both were still sad, as the reminders of the following future came back to them. Not a single moment of happiness had been in that tent since Nynaeve was brought there.  
  
"Yes?" Lan replied softly. He had let his emotions climb back over his walls, but Nynaeve noticed he was softer than before, which made her smile inwardly.  
  
She moved in his arms and looked up at him. "You do remember what Rand made us -well me, actually- promise before the march began?"  
  
Lan nodded thoughtfully. "He wanted a last meal with his friends from Emonds Field before the Battle." Then it dawned to him, and he looked surprised at her, even twitching his lips in a smile. "And that meal was at sunset, which would mean at least a few minutes ago." She smiled back at him, but it was a sad smile.  
  
"Love, I just want to forget about the bloody Last Battle for a night, and be happy of bearing our children." Lan traced his finger down her nose, and smiled. It was not a sad smile, it was a happy smile.  
  
"Our children." He began grinning and it made Nynaeve smile too. His hand moved down to her belly and laid there gently, as if he was awaiting a confirmation that there really was a child in there. Both had their eyes at his hand for a few moments, studying it as realisation crept into their minds.  
  
Nynaeve looked up at her husband, now happy because he was happy, and she leaned in, her hands pulling his face closer.  
  
"**Our** children, Lan." Then she kissed him. 

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**TO BE CONTINUED**

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_**Author's Note: **This chapter almost makes me cry every time I read it. **This **is what's called "fluff" in the fan fiction world! Please let me know what you think!_

_**!!IMPORTANT!! **Do you people want the sequel before I've finished this story, or straight afterwards? I really would like to know! **!!IMPORTANT!!**_


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